On May 18th of last year, my friend’s husband was hit by a car and killed while riding his bicycle on a country road. The woman who hit him fell asleep at the wheel and instantly her life, my friend’s life, and the lives of so many others were changed forever. Since Ryan’s death, my friend Amie has kept a blog. Her writings have impacted me greatly. They remind me to cling to the Lord daily and set my hope in His promises, for He alone is faithful—He alone is forever trustworthy and true.
You can read all of Amie’s blogs at ryanandamiefranklin.blogspot.com. But in commemoration of a year since Ryan met Jesus face to face, I wanted to share one of my favorites:
It's going to be a good story!
I have always loved a good mystery. Usually on shift nights after the kids were in bed I would snuggle on the couch and find a good mystery to lose myself in. Ryan didn't like to watch them as much as I did so I saved them up for nights I was alone. Even when I was younger I gravitated to the books about solving a crime or finding the key to the unsolved case. I loved Nancy Drew, I must have written every book report in middle school on Nancy and her flawless record. However, when I read the Nancy Drew books I could only make it part way through before the suspense got to me and I would flip to the end and read the last chapter. I just had to know the ending!
I'm struggling right now because I want to know what the last chapter in my book will say. I want to read the part when I get to see the Lord face to face. I want to hear what He says to me. I want to know that all this pain and darkness will be worth it. I want to see the face of the man I love and look into those eyes and know he is proud of me, proud of how I clung to God. I want to know that God gives me strength and that I become a different person because of this. I want to know I don't waste this life in self pity and anger. I want to see that this was all worth it for my kids, that they seek after the living God because of Ryan's death and the way I handle it. I want, I want, I want...
I read a quote in a book the other day that said, "Life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards"--Soren Kierkegaard. This is exactly how I feel. I think if I could just see the last chapter it would give me the strength to make it through these long, dark chapters too. One of Ryan's former basketball players returned a letter to me that Ryan had sent him. In the letter Ryan encourages him, "Keep pouring into the Bible. It is the ultimate teacher. Mysterious. Amazing. Frustrating. But always right and correct." I've never poured into the Bible more in my life than I do now and yes it is all of those things but oh so mysterious. I have also found many things that Ryan had written down over the years. One of those is a full sheet of paper with lots of different verses and quotes on it. Off by itself, tucked under a sticky note are the words; "It's going to be a good story!" So here I am, on a very long shift night, trying to lose myself in my mystery that I so badly want to know how it ends. I pray Ryan is right, it's going to be a good story.
By Katie Miller
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